Tonga Room

What you need to know

The Experience

Every twenty minutes or so, the lights dim, thunder rumbles through hidden speakers, and rain falls from the ceiling onto the indoor lagoon. The band keeps playing on their floating barge. Regulars barely look up from their drinks. First timers usually laugh out loud. The effect is ridiculous and wonderful, a commitment to theatrical escapism that most bars wouldn’t attempt.

The décor is tiki maximalist. Thatched roofs, bamboo everything, carved masks, fishing nets strung with glass floats. The Fairmont spent serious money creating this fantasy in 1945 and has maintained it through decades when tiki went in and out of fashion. The authenticity of the inauthenticity impresses.

What to Drink

The cocktail menu runs through tiki classics. Mai tais, zombies, scorpion bowls for groups, and various proprietary concoctions served in ceramic vessels you’ll want to steal. The drinks are sweet and strong, engineered for fun rather than sophistication. Order the Tonga Iced Tea if you want to forget your problems. Order water if you want to remember the evening.

The food menu covers Pacific Rim territory: pot stickers, coconut shrimp, pupu platters for sharing. The quality is hotel restaurant adequate. You’re here for the atmosphere, not the cuisine.

When to Go

The band plays Wednesday through Sunday evenings starting around 8 PM. Weekend nights fill up with bachelorette parties, birthday celebrations, and anyone else looking for an excuse to drink rum in the rain. Weeknight early evenings are calmer if you want to actually hear your companions speak. Happy hour runs 5 to 7 PM on weekdays and brings the drink prices down to merely expensive.

The dress code is resort casual, which in practice means anything goes except gym clothes. The crowd spans tourists, hotel guests, locals celebrating something, and the occasional Nob Hill resident who never left the 1950s.

What to drink

Mai tais, Tonga Iced Tea, scorpion bowls for groups, tiki classics in ceramic vessels